Simple Thoughts

Christmas post

2011-12-27T17:20:00.003-06:00

I know its a little bit late but I wanted to post my annual Christmas blog. I usually talk about how we need to make Jesus glorified with our gift giving, which is true, but this year I decided to go with another thought.
I've heard the Christmas story every year of my life. Every year it seams to become more wondrous. Instead of getting old and tired I find the story getting more amazing and enthralling. Every year something new jumps out and this year is no different. As the story was being shared in church some thing struck me for the first time. It was... yep that. The ... between Malachi 4:6 and Matthew 1:1. It was the first time I ever connected the birth of Jesus with the 400 years of silence. If you haven't read Malachi in a while stop reading this and go read that right now! Its really short! Trust me I can wait. Amazing isn't alright no go read Luke Chapters 1 and 2! Is that no incredible. The last thing God says is

⁵ See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. ⁶ He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.

That's um...great. I'm going to send Elijah and he is either going to bring delicious redemption or I'm gonna destroy everything.

400 years. Then

¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

No I know that technical this isn't the breaking of the silence but lets be honest how many people do you think heard about Zechariah's little interaction in the Holy of Holies? This is Gods first mass communication with common people and man is it amazing. Lights, sirens, all the bells and whistles. Today the savior has been born! Today! 400 years of is God every going to speak again? Is he every going to send the anointed one? Will he every deliver us? God answers that with one grand announcement.

Today it is here!

I think that is really awesome.

Coming to terms

2011-10-01T22:44:00.003-05:00

Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. – Oscar Wilde

This was the Random quote of the day on my blog and while I didn't intend on writing on the topic I was so struck by this quote and a few other events of the day that this blog happened as a result.
I have to reactions to Wilde's statement. The first is simple. I love my parents. I only hope that the understand the depth of love I have for them, how honored I am to be there son. I feel like I fail to comunicate the depth of respect I have for them and the sacrafices they made to give me the upbringing I had. I think that I can never express my thankfulness to them to make the hard decisions I couldn't and doing with out so my immaturity and appetites could be appeased. I am beginning to understand that not only is this what love is about but also the struggle of being some ones child/parent. On one hand as a parent there is no end to sacrifice and no true way to be thanked. On the other there is no way that I as a son can every really give back or even begin to thank my parents for what they have done. My only hope is that by carrying on the cycle my parents might understand how much they mean to me and how proud I am to be their child.
The second thought is along the same vein but relates to how we view God. Justin McRobets (a long time favorite) has long challenged my through his writing to set in the tension between a sovereign good God and the evil that is rampant on the earth. (Check out his blog. The link is on the right! Just right click and open in a new tab.) That and for some reason Ellie Wiesel's writings came to mind. His story is a great and remarkable one but for this instance its his journey of faith that is the most pertinent. He begins life as a good Jewish boy devoting his life to the Torah and then the "night" happens and it is a long journey from despair and judgement. His memoirs are a great read.
I've learned that first stage of reconciling the "problem of evil" is that God no more needs my forgiveness then he does my permission. Because forgiveness implies that I am owed some reconciliation that I have some authority to judge. This brings me back to sitting in the tension of a good God and a broken world, sitting with a frustrated, angry and broken heart.
If I ever get past the first step I'll let you know.

9/13/11

2011-09-13T21:16:00.003-05:00

One of the reasons I find myself not writing as much as I used to, as I'd like to, is that I try to be witty. Well at least what I think is witty which usually passes of as one of those half silent one sound chuckles. I'm not even sure how to write that sound to fully explain to all you readers what it sounds like in my head. So...I'll just assume you understand.
That is basically my way of saying what I'm about to give you is raw thought. I've had thoughts running around my head for awhile and the never made it to paper because I couldn't take the time to make them witty and fun. My writing in general has suffered from this read: no new poetry :( This is the reason there isn't some catchy title at the top of my entry. I wanted to finally get this stuff out.
I recently lead a small missions team over to the Czech. As I prepared and planned to lead this team I took stock of all my past trips. I thought about my first time over and how awesome it was to see what God was doing there. I remember how excited all of us where. Many of us from the trip wanted to continue partnering with JV, few of us have. Which isn't a bad thing because being a missionary to an Atheist country isn't for every one and lets been honesty as Christians we should get excited to see what God is doing and want to be a part of it. I remember that first summer, only two of us from that spring trip went back. And to my knowledge Josh and I were some of the first Moody Students to pursue internships with JV because of the spring break trips. Yet I have seen God use those trips to form a strong bond between Moody and Josiah Venture. While it may be unspoken it is encouraging to see my friends from my trip and the following spring breaks partnering with God and his work in Josiah Venture.
During my time in '08 JV was starting this thing called the 2x3 campaign. The purpose of this was to double the fruit of the ministry in 3 years. I was planning on moving to Czech and being a big part of this God had other plans for me. My involvement with JV became less and my plans changed.
Then towards the end of the campaign God brought me back to this place. In his good timing he brought me and my wife to lead a new team of 3 people who had never even heard of Josiah Venture till We asked them to join the trip. We were supported by two churches who were discovering what God is doing in the Czech for the first time. One of which had never sent a missions team until our trip! That's 4 new people, 2 new churches and all to work with 1 new Czech church. Not bad for a 2x3 Campaign drop out.
It was a blessing to share my passion not only with my wife but our team and see them develop a similar passion for the God's work. I loved getting to introduce two Churches to the need of the Czech Republic in hope that those relationships become something deep and lasting.
Most importantly I loved sharing the part of my life with my wife and turning the one missionary in training spot into two. Please partner with us on our journey.

its on again

2011-02-08T06:28:00.001-06:00

Next Generation from Josiah Venture on Vimeo.

My wife and I are going!

call me...Husband-man

2011-01-15T09:06:00.003-06:00

I love super heroes. I find no same in that. I'm a sucker for a comic based movie although the usually stink and for Christmas most of my list was filled with ideas about Batman or Spider-man (yes the hyphen is the proper spelling). I love the idea. I've often dreamed about running around saving people with some emblem emblazoned on my chest and a cape draped across my shoulder. I think the one thing that always attracted me to the masked men of comic lore was the idea of protecting the weak. I just finished reading Kingdom Come, highly recommended, it begins in a world where the heroes have stopped protecting and started doing what ever they wanted. It really illustrated how important it is for the heart of a hero to choose to protect, to choose life. It also showed the destruction that can happen when those with responsibility forget to do what is right.
Its not that I'm a super hero but I am married. Although I don't have a large city to protect or a galaxy to defend I have a wife. I feel that in some ways the long standing desire I have to be a caped crusader is fulfilled in my marriage. I need to protect my wife, its my duty as her husband so it is all the more heart breaking when I choose to act in a selfish manner. Not only do I not protect her I'm the one that actually hurts her. I go from super hero to evil villain, although I enjoy a well written amoral hero, thats not cool. I hate hurting her.
So to my wife I'm sorry. I'll try harder to be the superhero you deserve

My grown-up Christmas list

2010-11-25T10:24:00.000-06:00

Over the last few years I've been struggling with Christmas. I've been captured by the idea that Christmas needs to be more about proclaiming the Kingdom of Heaven and celebrating the Messiah, the Deliver, the King and less about packages with ribbons and bows. The last few years as this conviction as been examined and etched out in my soul I never really had to confront it because... well I didn't have much and always seemed to be in-transit. This year was different, is different. I'm working a steady job that pays well and although Melissa and I aren't loaded we aren't scrapping the bottom of the jar for peanut butter. Plus I have some roots I have a place that is home and a community in which I plan to be a part of for awhile. So this is the year when I stop thinking about these things and do something about. I'm planning a Christmas party for the youth group with this in mind so that as we celebrate we also act.
I wish I was a goo din my own life. The other day my wife asked me for a list of ideas for her family which I was able to come up with. Yet now as I think about the list I realized that I forgot this idea. So I'm taking the chance to update my list. For those of you whom this is a little to late. I'm sorry I didn't get this sooner and thank you for the present I know that it will bring a smile to my face and joy in my life but for those that are still searching here are things that will grip my heart. Give a gift in my name send a donation to these places.

Josiah Venture
http://www.josiahventure.com/

4 Kids of South Florida:
http://www.4kidsofsfl.org/events_and_activities/Gift-of-Hope.cfm

For what I really want is the gospel to be proclaimed and the hopeless to find hope.

Does the salt go over the right or left?

2010-09-22T09:30:00.003-05:00

Recently I was examining my life and faith...which tends to happen at least ever couple months it seems this past year and a half. As I faced yet another big decision and life change I noticed something in my thinking. I looked as saw how easy it was for me to lean upon my faith like a superstition.
All my actions toward God became this scripted event that I had relieved many times before. My admission of short coming and dealing with guilt of sin. Followed by my panic stricken pleading for some wisdom and guidance as if I God would speak in some supernatural way if only I could convey to him my great need. Then I wait. I wait for some sign a song on the radio, my Bible to open to some special verse, a stranger on the street or some mystical feeling of peace and fulfillment. Its funny how when I am longing for a sign I forget that God gave me intelligence and a free will. I become so involved in not missing the supernatural sign I'm waiting for that I begin to make everything into the sign I'm looking for and I begin to interpret these signs into saying what I want them to say.
That isn't how it works is it though, God doesn't open the heavens and write on the wall. I'm pretty sure if he did I'd be more freaked to see a hand writing on the wall then to catch the message. No Instead God created us in his image. He gave us the ability to make decisions and a free will to enact them. He tells us to trust in him and his sovereignty. He constantly is reminding his people that He is not a God that is constrained by people groups, state lines and legal jurisdiction. He promises to be with us then tells us to move.
This time I made me decision I didn't barter with God. I didn't lay out a fleece. I simply trusted. I trusted that he wouldn't allow the wrong decision to be made. I trusted that he would be with us. I trusted that he wanted what was best for Melissa and myself. I trust that dealing with the consequences will help shape us into better reflections of Christ.
To be honest there is no peace in the solution. My gut it still in knots, my brain still mulling over pros and cons. My superstitious nature still wants to test and challenge and barter. Instead I choose trust knowing more deeply the God I love.

Fun with Morality

2010-08-13T09:56:00.002-05:00

I always find public opinion polls interesting. I like to see where we as a society stand on moral issues. Its also a secret for me to indulge that guilty side that delights in being judgmental. I can sit here and judge Joe Shmoe for being too narrow minded or for not being moral enough. Its the man inside me who sits curling his handle bar mustache while laughing diabolically. mmmuHahaha excellent, excellent. (That is my laugh I hope when you read this you insert the appropriate sound image there. Also the excellent are where the mustache is curled.)

I find there are a few things of note for starters look at the categories relating to death.

Look at the exact split on Assisted Suicide. How crazy is that.
Also with all the clamor made about abortion its only viewed favorable by around 1/3 of the people.
I want to say something about the 77% of people who find suicide morally wrong but the only thing I can think is how much that speaks of the desperation that is suicide.

Look at the issue of cloning. I think its strange that we live in a world were cloning is considered a moral conundrum. I how cool is it that we deal with a problem that has been regulated to Science Fiction most of its life.

Only 9% percent of people are for cloning humans...I guess those 9% are the remnants of the Galactic Empire...Star Wars...any body, any body? Fine moving on.
Why is it that I think 2/3 of people are against cloning animals because they are afraid to eat them. Remember how big it was when Dolly the Lamb was cloned?
Then there is the growing issue of embryo stem cell research. (Notice the pun, I thought it was really good) only 32% of people think it is wrong. Interesting isn't especially when you look at it with the number on abortion. It feels like the public opinion is opposite from what we are lead to believe.

No lets look at sex.

More people find sex between unmarried people more acceptable than having a baby outside of marriage. Sure its only 5 points but does any one else find that odd.
40 percent of Americans believe you should be married to have a kid yet Hollywood is encouraging the idea that a woman doesn't need a man. ie The Switch and The Back-up Plan plus the real life example of Angelina Jolie Then again Hollywood always pushed the limits
People will want to point to the numbers for Homosexual relationships and talk about how they are more acceptable. Yet I find the almost universal view that adultery is wrong to be more shocking, not that the belief is shocking but that 92% of Americans hold it.
Looking at the acceptability of divorce 69% one would question the importance of marriage in our society yet with all the other stats pertaining to marriage and sex one would be foolish to dismiss it. I think this really just goes to show you that divorce is messy thing.

I think that is enough oh my opinions for now. Let me know your thoughts and observations please, the comments sections would be a good place to start doing that. Remember whenever we talk right and wrong it is best done in community.

The secret of my success

2010-07-09T11:24:00.002-05:00

These last few weeks I've had the chance to observe a lot of people; my classmates, the hundreds of other people at the training center, the kids that participated in WOW and the other people I've encountered around Dallas. I was reminded about how important confidence is. This week was the week we took the first of our three test for dispatch training. Our instructor was saying that on average a person will drop 10 points on the test from their practice test scores. I've never really understood this occurrence. I don't really understand how someone can do worse simply because its a test. I've tried to understand it and reason it out and the best I can come up with is that its a confidence issue. Which means it ultimately an identity issue. I'm a firm believer that confidence is directly linked to our identity. Watch how people carry themselves. I bet you'll find that the ones the carry themselves with the most confidence are the firmest set in their identity. I feel like this is a good point to make a side note talking about true confidence and weak confidence that is usually covered up by loud boasting. Its important not to confuse the two.
With all this talk of Lebron James its really funny to see how people describe him and as good as he is there is always some one to point out that he isn't a champion. Scoring titles, MVP, the King, the second coming of Jordan....no NBA titles. Its a unique study watch his reaction to all this. To watch him and his carefully crafted image and his identity all revolve around his lack of championships. Even know the only question any one is asking about him is how many titles will Miami win?
So as I sat around in a little room for 5.5 hours with this big test on my mind. 5.5 hours of waiting that shouldn't have happened. 5.5 extra hours of pressure and anxiety. I slept. I actually became more calm as the time passed. As every one was talking about how this must really effect you and totally ruins your day. I just sat back and smiled. Not because I knew the stuff. Not because I had some extra study time. I just sat there a thought of what defines me.
I will never lack confidence because I am defined by God's love for me. My Identity as a child of God, a co-heir with Christ, and a victor over the enemy will always mean more than my test scores, my looks, my performance...you name it.
I guess that is why people that lack confidence move my heart.

How could I forget

2010-06-10T19:47:00.004-05:00

I'm not generally a forgetful guy. In fact when it comes to useless trivia I'm a wellspring of information. No matter how similar to a still trap my mind is I forget things. We all do, its normal. Forgetfulness is part of the human condition. This is why we have sticky notes, alarm clocks and calendars or for some people strings on their fingers. I personally prefer the Memento method. (interesting movie!)
I forget to take out the garbage or to sort the recycling. Some times I forget to wash behind my ears. From time to time in the shower I forget if I've washed my hair...which means double shampoo usage luckily I don't use much cause I hardly have any hair. I'll tell you a secrete, shhh come closer, I occasionally forget to lock my car door. But these are little things we all forget little things.
It was recently that I realized I had forgotten a Major thing, a life changing thing. I forgot about the joy of following Jesus. I forgot about the joy that comes with all the promises of grace and forgiveness. Its crazy I know but some where in the daily grind of life mixed with all the questions and doubts I lost track of the simple joy that comes from being forgiven.
I realized this during of time of worship here are the two songs that brought me back may they remind or entice you of joy. I recommend ignoring the video and focusing on the sound.

a lonely place I stand

2010-05-01T23:41:00.005-05:00

I sometimes wonder about Christianity. I look at my life and wonder how it has changed me. I look at my day to day existence and wonder how it impacts my day. On the days I'm really introspective, or just have too much time on my hands, I compare different religious philosophies. The thing that I keep coming back to is forgiveness. I'm constantly in grateful awe of it, I find no other way to express myself toward the promise and fulfillment of the forgiveness of God. But that isn't what I'm writing this about. This isn't about the need for forgiveness or the joy that it brings. This is about the command to do like wise.
As I strive toward this model, giving this depth of forgiveness, I find myself...alone. I don't mean alone as in there is no other person on this road or as good at doing this as I am. I find myself in a strange empty place because it is counter-cultural to everything I want to do. Yet my heart is compelled from a deep conviction that this is the only way. I'm convinced that one of the most suicidal things you can do is live a life of forgiveness.
I've watched many people dear to my heart struggle with forgiveness with out knowing it because they don't get it...or maybe the do and just can't bring themselves to that point.
I've been learning that to truly forgive, like the God model, angers people, it frustrates and bewilders people. Its hard and its painful. If you don't carry the conviction of pursuing the model of God than it makes absolutely no sense.
It is a lonely place to let the pain you feel pass with out making a note. It is a lonely place to not seek retribution for a wrong. It is a lonely place to maintain a relationship instead of cutting your losses.
It is a lonely place but "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." "Forgive as the Lord forgave you. "

It would be so much easier if Forgivness didn't come with a cross...I think that's the point.

Random Note

2010-04-22T22:27:00.002-05:00

Ok so here is a random note on my life. Sorry I've been inactive for awhile...really I plan to change that.
So I was watching the NFL draft and some thing happened that I thought was really cool.
http://www.tonic.com/article/steelers-fan-announces-teams-first-pick-nfl-draft/
With all the craziness in the world and the things that make you scratch your head and wonder how is this happening its cool to see something cool like this happen. I mean I saw a kids dream come true.That is so awesome.

Thoughts of the day

2010-02-02T17:47:00.004-06:00

Today I was stripping wallpaper, which means lots of time to think about whatever crosses my mind which happened to be a lot today. I decided that instead of giving an individual post to all the thoughts I had and therefore not actually getting to anything beyond my first post. As I was stripping I happened to also be rocking out to the old school band Rage Against the Machine. Yes i do realize how dated the are and therefore dates me and yes I know that some of you probably have no idea who they are or think that choosing their music may be a questionable choice. This leads me to my first thought.

Man can they rock! Seriously I don't think I can remember that last time I enjoyed just rocking out so much. Between the thundering bass and drums to Morello's amazing and inventive guitar playing lies the rage filled, politically incendiary, sometimes expletive laden lyrics of Zack de la Rocha. Seriously if you missed the boat or forgot how much they rocked I recommend checking them out preferably at a high volume. Beware you just might be offended.
As I was rocking out to Rage I realized something. As a Jr. Higher when I first started listening to Rage I had no idea of there political lean. Really I just knew they rocked. Later on I realized more of the political bent but even then not the full extent. As I listened today for the first time...well for what seemed like the firs time. I realized just were they stood. The next thought made me laugh cause, frankly, I don't think they'd like it. I'm also sure they wouldn't enjoy the above picture. Anyway I realized through their music that I love America. Only in America would a socialist leaning group be able to bad mouth the history of the country, condemned its political system and bash its capitalist way of life all while making having 2 albums reach number 1 on the charts, appearing on MTV and all around making tons of money off suburban kids spending the money of their rich parents with out caring about "wage slaves", the EZLN or the union. In fact most of the kids that rocked out to Rage probably wanted to one day make millions on the stock exchange. I know because I was one. All that to say I love the freedom America gives. I love it with its faults and imperfections because I know of no other place that gives as much freedom. Honestly do you?
Some where among all that I started thinking about support raising. Oh support raising how I hate asking other people for money. I thought about our economy and how its pretty much just a giant system of support raising. Really it's people giving money to some one else which they then use to provide for themselves plus cover the cost of what ever it is they are doing. I mean really all I'm asking is that they support me like they would Walmart, Applebee's or the boy that mows their yard. The trick to it is making people think that my cause, essentially me, is worth spending their money on or at. Its just a lot more personal than a faceless corporation.

Wow that is a lot of words...I'm sorry. Thanks for listening.

Its easy to ask when you know the answer.

2010-01-13T11:24:00.005-06:00

On a cold, wet night on the beginning of the new year I took her out to dinner. 2 hours and 30 minutes later I was kneeling in the cold wet sand on a desolate, moon-lit beach. I heard the words "will you marry me?" come out of my mouth and as I waited for her to respond time froze.
I thought back to when I first say her in the front of the auditorium at Moody. She was hard not to see, that's a lie she was surround by tall white guys hidden like a bush in a forest. She was hard not to notice, a short, brown ball of energy, dancing and laughing with all the boy's glee club around her. That was a few years before we meet.
My mind fast forwarded through our days sharing meals, laughing, talking, stabbing fruit. Me listening to her vent about her boy problems. Her flirting with me about being her answer to those problems. Me flirting back in an awkward Czechlish accent.
I thought of our time at JSB and how I regretted not being the date she really deserved cause although I enjoyed her company I wasn't exactly stoked to be there with her. But She looked amazing and we did have a really good time.
I thought back to almost a year ago and how I pulled of an amazing prank on her that not only worked so well it almost made her cry but unknowingly would effect the rest of my life. I still love that prank, it make me laugh in my sleep.
I thought about the time that followed the hours spent chatting or on the phone. The through the night marathon calls that at first just happened by accident. And resulted in one phone ending up in the hot tub.
I thought about last spring and our first date. Running to Dunkin' in the rain, and a park bench by the fountain. On May 26th in a Chicago airport on my way to Czech for 11 weeks I made what was the best decisions of my life at what could have been one of the worst times to make it.
My mind traced back to August 18 when after months of dating I'd finally get to see my girlfriend. I thought about all the dates we had since then (3) and the all the hellos and goodbyes at the airports that were talking their toll and how gloriously there days were soon to come to an end.
I thought about all the family craziness and how this was the easiest decision I ever made. Really by far the easiest, this coming from a guy who decides what shirt to ware by finding the semi-clean one from the day before on the floor.
then she said
"yes."

O Holy Night

2009-12-16T22:39:00.005-06:00

O Holy Night Lyrics

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

The line that really gets me in this song is the part about the soul feeling its worth. How awesome is it that our value is clearly seen by the sacrifice of God or better put the rescue of God. I feel like that whole first stanza does a great job of summing up life and the response to God.
Sometimes at look at the Church and where we are at and my heart falls. How far have we come from love, peace, freedom, thankfulness, forgiveness. I listen to preachers, congregates, media outlets all speaking from the voice of Christianity and it seems like all they want is more. And I don't mean more glory for God.
spend Less, give More, love All, Worship Fully

O come, O come, Emmanuel

2009-12-14T11:33:00.005-06:00

O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyranny
From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

This originally grabbed my heart as I was studying Hebrew a few years ago. During that time I began to see, enjoy, love and come to embrace the foundations of Christianity found in The Old Testament. I started to see this New Testament faith through the eyes of the ancient Hebrew faith in a fresh new way, namely a fuller understanding of a Messiah. This song makes me at once stand in awe of the ancient advent we celebrate and long with all my being for the future advent to come. Just read it's robust lyrics. It begins with the hope of returning home from the exile then includes themes of freedom for the oppressed and ends with the rejoicing of light and truth. Its basically the summation of all the promises of the future reign of the King. It is the longing of advent put into words.

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

I heard the Bells on Christmas Day

2009-12-07T13:19:00.005-06:00

This is the first of the song post. This song kills me with its gently reminder that in a dark world all is not lost. That is watching and there will come a time when all wil be made right.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

https://secure3.convio.net/ijm/site/Ecommerce?store_id=1481

I get caught off guard.

2009-12-07T10:22:00.004-06:00

During the holiday season I love listening to Christmas music like everyone else. I just turn it on and sing along. As I go about my day doing what ever it is I need to do I find myself singing along in the expectation of a white Christmas and the coming of Santa. I enjoy the childhood memories of Frosty and Rudolph with his glowing nose and dentist elf friend.
But some times I hear a song and it stops me dead in my tracks. Sometimes I hear a song so deep and profound that my heart is moved toward the truths it speaks of God and Jesus. And every once and a while I'm forced to wipe a tear from my eye as the truth of the advent season pierces my heart and for a moment I truly long for the return of the Messiah in a way that is missing from any other time of year. So over the next few weeks my goal is to share some of these songs with you.

I'm so thankful

2009-12-03T14:35:00.004-06:00

So I know that this post seems a but late being a week after thanksgiving but I was a little to busy enjoying the holiday to bother writing this. I love Thanksgiving. It might be one of the best holidays I can think of. Every year I'm around seems to bring a little more understanding of the thankfulness to me. Last year because I had the opportunity to be in a place where the idea of Thanksgiving was foreign, I had the chance to really look at it anew. How awesome is a day that is dedicated to enjoying all the good things in life? By that I mean family, food and fun. It a celebration of all the good things. I'm a firm believer in the necessity that ever culture needs a Thanksgiving. Its really hard to explain how truly great the day is when some one has no concept of it. My Czech friend Lucka has inspired me to think that we need to convert the poorly celebrated Velvet Revolution day aka Nov. 17 into just that type of day. What better way to celebrate the down fall of tyranny and oppression that by feasting and enjoying the company of those you love basically the years best party.

This year I was struck by two other thoughts that both have to do with the timing of Thanksgiving. The first is that its a Thursday, the middle of the week. it effectively renders Wednesday and Friday useless on thanksgiving week its like we end up with a five day weekend. How sweet is that in the middle of the work week in this very busy culture we have this holiday that is simple designed to step back take a breath and be thankful for life. Its the much needed time out we deserve to give ourselves. The second thought was how funny and ironic it is that Thanksgiving kicks of what is the busiest shopping time of the year. Thanksgiving a holiday the celebrates contentment a thanks for the things money can't by is followed by the supper indulgence of desire and materialism. Yeah that's you Black Friday and your 3am store openings. Its like we say I'm so thankful for everything I have my friends, my family and my life...NOW GIVE ME MORE STUFF!! (More about this to come with a Christmas themed post.) This weird ironic timing makes me laugh and cry but mainly I just eat leftovers and enjoy the coming Yuletide season. This truly is the best time of year...er well second best, I do love me some Easter.

Love, Happiness and Approval

2009-10-22T20:22:00.003-05:00

I've had a lot of time to listen to people talk about love lately, I'm not sure why...maybe just because its on my mind more lately. Anyway I'm going to ask my readers who happen to also be parents to weigh in on this because thats where most of the thoughts come from and are directly apply back to.
As I've been thinking about love specifically unconditional love. I often have a hard time wrapping my head around this thought. Can you really love some no matter what they do, in-spite of their actions? As I would turn these thoughts over and over in my head I thought about examples of this unconditional brand of love, of course the two examples I end up looking closely at are the Love of God and Parental love. (Neither of which I can fully grasp although I'm beyond grateful to receive them both.)As I thought more about this love and about how I interacted with them I realized that my hang up was not because of Love but what I associated with it...how believed they were shown.I always associated love with two things, happiness and approval. I thought when you loved something then that thing always had to make you happy. To love something you had to approve of it.
Here are the problems with that. A) Love to be based on approval puts conditions on it. Approval is ultimate judgment when you approve than you pass a judgment that is favorable and disapproval is of course the opposite. B)What the heck is happiness. The more I look at it the more it becomes...fluff. Happiness is like the boy band crazy of the 90's attractive and powerful but ultimately...well lets just ask a where are they now question. If we allow happiness to determine love then we are left with "love" that is basically bubble gum good for a little bit but then its spit out and a new piece is inserted.
That brings us back to unconditional love. Its is something that is rooted in the giver. Something rooted in identity. I'm loved not because of my actions, thankfully, but because some one chooses to love me because of who I am to them. I seek to make happy and to find approval from those that love me. Its nice to have those things in order.

The god of Peace aka Si vis pacem, para bellum

2009-08-27T10:56:00.004-05:00

This summer I realized something. People want peace. This summer we talked about kings and expectations. One of the questions we asked was "If your country was being invaded by another nation what action would you want your king to take?" The over whelming response was some from of "peaceful" diplomacy ie non-violence. This...just didn't sit well inside me. I mean I'm all for diplomacy and peace but I'm also for protection and being defended, not that those things are opposite but some times it sure feels that way.
There is an old adage in Latin "Si vis pacem, para bellum" which means if want peace prepare for war. In our modern world it seems like we have removed all room for action for violence. These thoughts arose out of Eastern Europe a place with a history riddled with violence and protest, the resistance under the Nazis, the velvet revolution, secret police and public beatings. A place where no one wants to stand up. But it isn't just this place. Look at the Middle East, a bomb goes of on a public bus or rockets are shot into civilian housing and a government reacts with a swift counter strike and they're the bad guys because the terrorist hide in the midst of civilians.
We made this ideal that good man can't at times be a violent man or take a violent action. A good leader can't declare war, by today's standards, but if you look at History's greatest leaders Lincoln, Churchill, Alexander, Ceaser they were great because of how they handled war. Lincoln knew that sometimes you have destroy before you can rebuild. It seems like sometimes as Christians we are ashamed or embarrassed about God and the violent actions he takes. Think about how the Bible describes Jesus and how he returns and wins the final battle.Go ahead read Revelation and tell me Jesus is some non-violent hippie.
I'm glad that we have the God of peace and not the god of Peace. A king who wars over us and protects us. A God that isn't afraid to get his hands dirty for the ones he loves. And I'm not going to apologize for him.

the sound of silence

2009-07-17T08:23:00.002-05:00

One of the things I've noticed about life in America is that it is loud. There is always something going into the ears. Even during our "quite times" we listen to music or pray out loud lest we be distracted by the new sounds of a quite room. Being here in Czech is different people are just quite; it reminds me of the time I spent on the Reservations in South Dakota. The don't feel the need to fill the silence with useless words or questions that they, that we, don't ultimately care about.
I've had many discussions about this with Americans. Especial as it relates to discussion groups. For us Americans there is this uneasiness with silence. Sometimes I swear it causes physical pain to some people. But if we can sit in that silence I tend to find there is a beauty. the words you share seem so much more than sounds.
Last night I was sitting with my friend under the stars. We sat in silence looking at the sky, the stars, the milky way. It was beautiful and many times I felt the silence and just as many times i thought what can i say to him that he himself doesn't already see and what would I say about the stars that would them justice... so we sat there and it was...

I used to...

2009-06-14T16:57:00.002-05:00

Some where along my life the past few years it seems I've lost all the answers. I'm sitting listening to some friends talk about all the loftier things in life. I used to think I had those things figured out. I used to think I knew what I was gonna do (change the world) and how I was gonna do it (insert well thought out plan), now I'm lost. Well lost seems harsh maybe more like waiting. Waiting and watching. Watching other blind people who have no more vision than I grope around in the dark thinking they can see.
I'm not sure whats worse the honesty of not having the answers, or the cynicism of laughing at those that don't know they are at the bottom too.

Back again

2009-05-31T08:14:00.003-05:00

Here I sit in the restaurant of the hotel that I have spent many a meal in over the last few years. Its funny to be back here in Czech after just spending a few months back in the States. Heraclitus said "You can never step into the same river; for new waters are always flowing on to you."
Every time I come here it is different. There is a new challenge or new thought that God is showing me. The first time I was struggling with a bad break up. The second time I was dealing with the idea of being a missionary and following God. Trip number three I was learning how to let go and trust God for a home, for family, for friends. This time...I'm not sure but I can tell you that I'm dealing with questions of timing and whats next and think legitimately for the first time about serving in another country outside of Czech.
I'm living in the tension of not knowing the future but trusting a God who has a plan.
Pray that I pursue God and that in that pursuit it flows down into my team then into or camp teams then into our students.

I'm living and dying with the choices I've made.

2009-05-20T01:08:00.007-05:00

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This is my favorite poem. I revisit over and over each time taking something new from it. The very first time I read it I'll admit to making a common mistake and seeing it as inspiration to take the less traveled road. When I was fresh out of High School I read it and realized Frost was saying that it doesn't really matter what road you take its all in the journey because there is always the question of where the other road would lead. And now I read it and see something completely different.
I see choice. this is one of the most amazing things about America, about freedom in general, Choice. Whether it is McDonald's or Bugger King, Organic or Processed, Name brand or Generic we are bombarded with choices. Some good, some bad; some easy, some hard but we all must make them. I've come to realize that I'm not good at this. I want too much and when I make a decision I regret it...sometimes. Other times I'm ok until something new and better comes along. Usually this doesn't matter for instance what does it matter if I choose Cocoa Pebbles over Fruity Pebbles for breakfast(That's right I'm all about the good things)or what kind of creamer I get for my coffee. The answer Nothing, shocking I know. Yet sometimes especially in the gloriously transitional part of my life I find myself having to make huge choices. To mission or to youth pastor, which churches, which areas, do I give the homeless man money or turn my head, do I give my tithe or hoard my money or spend it on stupid things, if i donate it where to what cause?
I'm starting to understand that sometimes the choices we make reflect the person we are, choice is ultimately about freedom and freedom is ultimately about character. So what do my choices say about me?

the haze of inactivity

2009-04-20T21:51:00.002-05:00

I've been meaning to write. No, really I have. Everyday I come here looking for a new post only to see that the guy who is supposed to be posting here isn't doing his job. What a jerk! oh wait...this is my blog...dang it. That explains so much. Well I best get writing. Now where to start....if I could only organize the storm of thoughts in my head. That's what happens to me. That's why I haven't written in so long. There isn't a lot going on. There are definitely things of note I'd be happy to share but all my good thoughts seem to be covered with this haze. I can see them I know where they are and that they're there but I can't focus in on them. I think when you are inactive its the discipline in the simple things that you miss the most.

So its offical

2009-03-25T10:02:00.002-05:00

This morning I received a phone call from Europe, more specifically Cesky Tesin, Czech Republic. The phone call was of absolute incoherent quality, I understood just a few sentences. What I did understand was that after a little deliberation and a apparently an arm wrestling match I have been officially accepted as a missionary with Josiah Venture. Now I begin the long process of raising support and all the other joys that comes with that. Now if I only knew where to begin...

Rejoice with Humanity

2009-02-20T15:31:00.005-06:00

This past week I've had the pleasure of working at the radio-thon for Driscoll Children's Hospital. It was a great experience.
At times it was hard to hear stories and to meet the kids who lives have been impacted by children. 5 yr olds with Leukemia and babies rushed into the operating room and into ICU within minutes of birth, children who will never walk...run...play outside...hear their Mother's say I love you these things made me question every single thing I know about goodness and truth and love. The idea of innocents and God.

The answers where dark...hopeless...depressing...destroying...

but then there was light...there is always light. That seems to be how He works. Against the back drop of death and sickness and suffering there is joy, happiness, redemption. There is cancer remission and eradication. Children who statistically should never have normal function... walking, talking, writing and drawing. There was this boy, the first thing he heard was his Mother...she said I love you. He asked if that was music...we was a teenager.

Then what probably is the coolest thing happened. People cared. People gave. People who had nothing to with these children gave their money, their time, their love. They were moved. They didn't just feel compassion. They weren't just touched...they acted.It was amazing. It made me proud to be part of this race. I'm beginning to understand what it means to be Human, to be a Christian, to be an Image Bearer...it means to care, to move, to act.

http://www.driscollchildrens.org/Default.htm

I'm a nerd.

2009-02-08T23:51:00.003-06:00

As I was surfing the net I found this article. It got me thinking, wait I totally fit into this category...Why am I still single? I think more ladies should listen to this one.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/66795671.html

another milestone of ignorance

2009-01-25T20:08:00.004-06:00

I have long asked myself How do you deal with Death? As someone who is trained for ministry and looking at becoming a pastor this has been a subject I've thought about a lot but I've never really had to face it. I've had people who I've known die but never some one close to me. Never someone like this. I know that in the death of Christ the sting of death is removed but that doesn't solve the pain that comes with death. Especially when it comes to those that aren't submitted to the Death of Christ. What do you say as you race down the road knowing that death awaits the destination. What do you say when the only sounds you hear are those accompanied by tears. How do you speak Christ into that situation when you can't speak yourself. And how do you comfort those when you aren't certain that the relief of Heaven awaits.
My Grandfather died today. I have the great honor of doing the service...little did I know that my first funeral would be my grandfather's...and that I'd be 24.

Spontanous Thought

2009-01-10T22:29:00.004-06:00

Ignorant men don't know what good they hold in their hands until they've flung it away. – Sophocles (496 BC-406 BC)
This is my random quote of the day from my quote of the day application. I really like it. There have been many good quotes to come along from this little app; but this is by far my favorite so far. I like it because it rings very true in my life. I'm trying not to be the ignorant man throwing away the good things. As I continue to make big life decisions and make choices where one thing is picked over another...like life in the states versus life in the Czech Republic I don't want to throw away good things by making poor hasty decisions. I don't want to fling away good relationships because of I'm not patent enough or trusting enough to pursue them. I don't want to give up good for convenience.
It doesn't just echo inside of me in terms of being the ignorant one but also in the one who picks up the discarded good. For those that now my romantic interest you can see how being the man who picks up the good can be important. Unfortunately when the good an ignorant guy has discard is a girl there tends to be a lot of hurt in her heart. I'm struggling with this. I'm struggling with allowing her space and time to heal, with how it is that our lives are going line up over the next few years and I'm struggling with feeling like I'd have to choose her over being a missionary. And I know that if she read this she'd be angry that I feel this way.

Look up?

2009-01-05T22:43:00.002-06:00

During my whole time in the Czech Republic I had this struggle with God over hearing his voice about my future there. So during my last week I decided to go to a café and with my journal and reread all the things I had written since the first summer I went to the Czech Republic hoping that it would spark some communication. So I settled into my corner booth with my hot chocolate and journal and waited. The picture isn’t the exact thing I saw but it gives you some idea of the setting. I’ve written the things I heard as a script. (You may want to act this out. If so I suggest you find a good looking young man to play the part of Jerry to make the situation as close to real life as possible.)

Jerry: Dear God please speak to me.
(After some time of reading his Journal at a café Jerry hears this)
God: Look up.
Jerry: What?
God: Look up.
Jerry: What, God I don’t get it.
God: L-O-O-K U-P.
Jerry: Look up, why.
God: Jerry! Just LOOK UP!
Jerry: Ok, ok. (looks up from his journal)
God: What do you see?
Jerry: Czech people…?
God: What do I see?
Jerry: People how are dying…
God: What else?
Jerry: People who need love…
God: Exactly now what are you going to do about it?
Jerry: Love them…Die with them…
God: Good boy. What don’t you see?
Jerry: Me…?
God: Exactly! Stop looking at yourself; your needs, your problems, your struggles. Look at these people, love these people!

The Hard Goodbyes

2008-12-17T06:42:00.003-06:00

At one point in my life good byes meant nothing to me. I had to say to many of them in my young life and I just stopped feeling. It was an out of sight out of mind survival instinct. Then God did something amazing. He made me feel again. Over the past month I've said many good byes. Some easier than others but none of them have been with out emotion. I've cried more than I'd like to say. Tomorrow begins the last round of goodbyes. The really hard ones. The people I've come to love as family. Just thinking about tomorrow night and Friday morning makes my eyes water. I don't know how I did it once, as much as I hate doing this I'd never want to go back to being that empty person.
The funny thing is all these good byes are just temporary. I've taken time today to prepare myself for these goodbyes. I've written notes and cried and prayed for these people but I know that I will see them again. I know for many it will be just a few short months before we embrace at the airport, this time in greeting instead of parting. For others I'm not sure when that will be again but I know that the days, months or years that pass will be only a small fraction of the eternity that we'll spend together.
And yet I can't keep myself from crying.

a promise that speaks volumes

2008-12-15T05:53:00.003-06:00

This morning I was reading in Mark 10 and I was struck by the promise he speaks to his disciples.

29I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 30will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.

Over the last few months I've struggled with the lack of a home, friends and family. The last few years have been a world wind adventure that brought me far from my family and into a land where I'm alone like I've never been before. Up until the last few weeks this was crippling until God started to speak. He challenged me to set my eyes on him and to begin to live this life as if Heaven was a reality. If Heaven is real and as great as we say it is than everything in this world is simple a shadow of it. Homes, family, friends the all are just a fraction of its glory. He challenged me to not look at the lack of a home but to instead see the abundance of homes he has given me as well as the family and friends that come with those things.
This morning I was walking through this city and struggling with my little remaining time here. As I'm looking straight into the face of some of the hardest goodbyes from the last months I needed something from God. He gave me this verse to remind me.
This place has become a home and there are family and friends that I'm not excited about leaving but I know that part of the joy of this missionary life that I now get to live is that I have an abundance of all these things and one day I'll have Heaven where all of these places come together.
The love comes with the suffering in this life but in the next there is just joy.

Do you know what today is boys and girls?

2008-12-05T17:02:00.002-06:00

Today is a very special day here in the CZ it is Mikuláš day or as you may know him Saint Nick. I love today. It is like a mixture of Halloween and Christmas. There are parades and candy as well as angles and demons. It marks the beginning of the Christmas season here.
As I was watching the news I saw a Mikulas in a hospital handing out gifts to children and a big check to the hospital. This brought back memories of watching news footage of Santa doing the same thing in the US. I was shocked at how similar the two events were and at once it felt like home yet extremely foreign.
I got to participate in the events by receiving some chocolate and partaking in some delicious apple dumplings. Dad this is for you. I love Christmas time!

Check this out for more fun:
http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=84

Photo from the Orco Foundation

A servant at heart?

2008-11-29T16:50:00.005-06:00

Over the past few months God has been teaching me many things but they all seem to relate to one theme. That theme is being a servant. If you read my second to last post you can see some of those thoughts and frustrations.
I've realized over these past few months that I hate being a servant. It doesn't come easy to me. Nothing inside of me delights or desires to be a servant, especially as an American. I despise the thought of giving up my freedom to make my own decisions. To give up...my control. The chance to make good or bad decisions, and to own the outcome. To work for myself and reap the reward.
BUT I'm a servant! That means I don't get to make decisions. I don't work for myself. I don't get to keep my wage. And nothing is mine, it all belongs to my master. My goals, my plans, my desires they all belong to him.
I'm tempted to cry the line of the third servant,(previous post)that my master is a hard man and that he has no right. This is a ridiculous charge because the master owns everything. Everything sowed is his to reap. All of my desires, my plans they are given by him and therefore his to fulfill or take. There is a comfort in knowing that He is the one in control. When I look into the future and see nothing I know that its ok he has a plan and I don't need to be overwhelmed.
There is also this cool thought that as a servant all that I am is tied to my master. My identity is wrapped up fully in him. I'm a servant of the Most High God.
Some days my servant hood is easy on my shoulders, after all the yoke of Christ is light, and other days it burdens me. It forces me into submission, God forces me into submission. I'm learning to embrace this servant hood so I can be a good servant.

Let it snow, Let it snow

2008-11-22T03:33:00.002-06:00

So here is the thing, in Czech there is no thanksgiving so Christmas comes a little earlier but today we have the snow to match the season. That makes me very excited.

A servants thoughts

2008-11-12T03:28:00.003-06:00

I'm very familiar with the parable of the talents. I've taught on it, I've heard it taught on many times...but something had never sat quite right with me. Its the response of the third servant or more accurately the lack of correction from the master to the servant's response. Here is what the servant says.

'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.-Matt 25:24

it is paralleled here in Luke.

Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. 21I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.-Luke 19:20

This is a harsh picture of the Master, especially when the master is the God figure. I understand the fear of the servant but it is how the Master responds. As the figure of the loving God we serve he doesn't correct the servant or remind him that all he does is for the good of the servant. No he agrees with the assessment. In the Luke passage he admits to that being his character and then judges the servant by this assessment.
When I think of the God i serve I don't want this image. I don't want this God who is a "Hard man." I want a God who is loving and caring and wants what is best for me and we allow me to have the things i desire and work for. But this is not the Master from these passages. This master takes what he wishes without caring if he has a right to it. This is a master who cares about results. This is a master I don't want to serve.
This may sound like a bitter post and it is, I admit that. It comes from a place of hurt and bitterness. As much as I want a kind caring master who makes me a high priority that isn't my master. AS much as I want to focus on God loving me and being a member of his family, which I know I am, I'm also a servant who serves a "hard man." Everything in my life is open to his plunder. And he seems to want to take the things I most desperately want to keep. He test my loyalty by taking my mina and asking what am I going to do about it. Will I still serve? Last Saturday God and I had a long fight about this because it is not in my nature to serve. (we will look into that later) The funny thing is that once I submitted, once I responded with loyalty, he returned my mina or should I say the mina he has entrusted to me.
As of late I tend to be relating more to God as the servant and less as the child.
I wish I was the child.

1+1=2 but how?

2008-11-03T06:50:00.004-06:00

My friend had a really great idea once. It was about how we classify each other. Before you finish your undergrad program it is all about age and level of school. Post undergrad it is about relational status. ie Single or Married. It seems like post college this is what most defines us, until we become seniors that is, for most of your lives we are defined primarily by if we have a spouse or not. It was a great thought. This is a follow up thought to that.
All my life pursuing a relationship has been very easy. The girl of my affections has always been close. She has been a girl in the neighborhood, or at school. Seeing her and interacting with her was easy. We always had a common bond. Even during the colleges years we'd come home to each other or see each other at school but that is not the case any more. In the new post-college life, where the only common denominator is the fact we want a relationship with the other person, how is it done.
How am I to build a full relationship with a romantic interest. For some this is easy you got the co-worker relationship or you happened to meet someone around town and so you have those things in common. I'm talking about the girl you meet your last semester or while traveling.
There is the long distance thing but that is hard and you can develop habits that are hard to break. It is hard to have a close relationship when you are used to having a distance one. Not to mention the out of sight out of mind struggle. Its also hard to really know how the relationship will really work when you don't get to really have life together.
There is the whole relocating thing but what if that doesn't work. You move to this place to be close to someone only to find it didn't work out and now you are stuck there.
Seriously how do you do this?

rain fall

2008-10-23T09:22:00.002-05:00

I used to sit and watch the rain.
It always made me think of her.
We used to love just like the rain.
Sometimes hard and passionate
with nowhere to run or hide
and sometimes we wouldn't love at all
we'd just hold it in and watch the other die.
But we always knew that given time
the drought would pass and rain would fall again.
And we'd end up back in each others arms,
the only place we belonged.
Then one night I sat outside.
I waited for the rain to come.
I waited and waited but she never showed.
After that it rained no more.
Now when it rains I watch it come down.
Silently I sit focusing on the sound,
waiting for love to come back down
as thoughts of rain wash her away.

basic czech math

2008-10-21T16:35:00.001-05:00

Jerry+Ceska Drahy (Trains)= intense loathing and hatred!

hot off the press

2008-10-17T10:57:00.003-05:00

Here is a new poem I wrote this morning. No one else even knows it exist right now. I travel a lot by train and most of that time seems to be by myself. Last weekend as I wa son the train the rough ideas of this poem came into my mind.

My time on trains
Some times I sit and try to forget
here I am and that its not home
I try to get lost in the sky
and the colors on the trees
or words on a page
as I let my music cover me
I pretend that I'm not lonely
and that I'm quite by choice
I try to think I'm back home
and the strange names are new places
some immigrant town on my way home
But i always know the truth
the rumbling train is enough to keep me awake
and away from the dream I long to sleep.
This is what I do on a train.

...among the youth of eastern Europe...

2008-10-16T03:12:00.001-05:00

One Percent from Josiah Venture on Vimeo.

http://www.2x3campaign.com/

A movement of God...

2008-10-16T03:10:00.001-05:00

http://www.2x3campaign.com/

Next Generation from Josiah Venture on Vimeo.

I love my parents.

2008-10-15T10:29:00.004-05:00

I've been reading this great book called 20 something essays by 20 something writers. I highly recommended it if you are 20 something or happen to love a 20 something. The book is a collection of 29 essays from 20 somethings each essay deals with life.
This past Friday I was riding on the train heading to one of my weekend visits. I had been reading this book and loving because it had been helping me process a lot of the hardships in my current life. I was nearing the end of the book and I stumbled across an essay that made me but down the book and cry.
The essay is called The Secret Lives of my Parents and is written by Kate McGovern. The essay is about the struggle of growing up and seeing your parents as people not just Dad and Mom.
I started thinking about all my parents have done for me. My parents once were people like me. Young, brash, irrational, full of hopes and dreams as well as piss and vinegar. But when my brother and I came along...all that changed. The older I've gotten the more I've realized their sacrifice but now I'm starting to really understand it especially as my friends are starting their own families.
I feel bad because I don't know my parents. No let me rephrase that. I know my parents. Who I don't know are Dale and Fran or Raye Nell and Donald (My parents are divorced and both remarried for those who didn't know.) I don't know what my Dad wanted to do growing up or what he thought of Europe while he was stationed here. I don't know any stories of Donald's time in Saudi Arabia or why it is he loves my Mom and decided that he would take her two sons along with her. I don't know why my Mom doesn't want to leave Texas. I don't know what she thinks about the church or why she goes. Fran I might know the best as a person but there are still mysteries like Why she never moved back to New England, why live in Minnesota or did she ever want to live in NYC growing up?
I began wondering what it must be like to let me go. When I call to trust their parenting job and treat me like some one competent to make good decisions. When I call not knowing what to do to give me advice instead of telling me what to do or even what they would do.
All that to say I love my parents. This seeing them as new people is something I'm going to enjoy doing.

The second of my freedom poems

2008-09-14T13:03:00.002-05:00

Freedom Lies

Freedom lies on her bed at night
and cries herself to sleep
she wonders when it changed
that instead of men protecting her name
all they do is rape and shame
she cries for a man of old
that would take a stand and not withhold
an ounce of strength to hold her up
yet all her princes become thieves
who cloth their agenda in her majesty
only to swap her out for a mirror of lust
and fall in love with their power
as their world turns to dust
and freedom lies on her bed at night
and cries for those who believe the lies

read and enjoy

2008-09-04T05:35:00.002-05:00

I've decided to begin posting my poetry on my blog so I can share it with more people. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.
This summer I found myself thinking about freedom. I ended up writing to poems about it, here is the first.

Freedom Cries
Martin Luther King once had a dream
he wanted to see freedom ring
from shining sea to sea
but what does freedom mean?
For King it means opportunity
regardless of race or creed or poverty
but could a man have these
and still be bound to slavery?
What if freedom means
something beyond all these things?
What if freedom was itself a creed?
Would this freedom creed mirror
the life we find in Christianity?
That's what Jesus sought to bring.
But I think behind church doors
lay something he'd abhor.
A congregation of freed slaves
with no chains on their feet
and yet too scared to leave.
Yet, we wonder why no one believes
while the messenger won't leave his seat.

Sour Patch Kids and Ski slopes

2008-06-25T09:30:00.003-05:00

It has been about one month since the summer has started. June is a crazy month for us. It starts with a race across Czech. The purpose of this is for the team to be built together through shared experience. We tried really hard to win the race…well until we missed our first train by a matter of seconds. After that we pretty much just relaxed through out the race. Until we found out that four of the five of us had crazy allergies which hit us half way through the race while we were sitting on a train.
After that we spend an intense week in training which is great. This year we had around 10 team and 3-4 countries represented. Training is such a sweet time that we get to connect with other missionaries and interns.
After training we go on a whirlwind tour of group visits. We have three weekends to visit three group and plan three weeks of camp. Not to mention building the team, planning lessons and other camp prep work which we do during the two weeks between visits.
Right now we are sitting at the first round of US team trainings camp start this Friday and there is a lot of work to do. From this point on life is like one giant series of cause and effect relationships.
The following are a just a snippet of the past weekend visits.
The first visit was in Pardubice. It is a city outside of Prague. Please pray for this group and for the chance for them to connect with new students. They are an older group that has done camps for a long time. Their struggle is remembering the heart of camp and God’s heart for the lost.
The second visit was at Bohumin. Bohumin was the first group that I interacted with in Czech 1.5 yrs ago during spring break. I’m so excited to be doing camp with them and renewing some older relationships. Pray that God moves mightily in this camp. It seems that he is doing a lot and a breaking point might come at camp. This is a great group.
The third visit was in Valašske Meziříčí. Yes that is a whole lot of Czechness.It is a hard name to say and when ever I see it my tongue cries. I love this group. They are restarting camps after taking the past 2 yrs off. Pray for the leadership that they would grow in confidence. Pray for students we have 9 campers signed up now, we want 25. Pray that we would get a lot of campers signed up from the city itself.

Czech...again

2008-05-22T09:39:00.002-05:00

So I'm back in Czech. I love it here. As soon as I say the Prague and I felt the wheels of the plane touch down I felt something change. The large chunk of my heart that I had left here returned to me. A part of my soul came back to life. The piece of myself that I had been missing for a year was returned and I feel whole again.
This past year was a huge struggle for me.I had never waged such an intense battle for the desires of my heart before. I had never struggled with doubt like I had during the past school year but now...I remember what God had told me. All the questions I had about coming to Czech were wiped away.As I waited to get off the plane I thought to myself I have no reason to be in Czech. My whole story and involvement with this place and these people start with God. I have no reason to be here except for His call.I think that might be one of the coolest things ever.
One of my supervisors were talking about how everything for this summer seemed to fall apart except for us, the extended summer Interns. Its weird to think of myself as an answer to prayer but that is exactly what I am, or so I'm told.

the yoke

2008-04-30T17:11:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been feeling like I'm carrying a burden that is more than I want to bear. It isn't that the yoke is to heavy or that it doesn't fit right...it is just that I'm unaccustomed to wearing it. My shoulders aren't used to the mantel that is placed on them. My muscles aren't familiar with the constant pressure that life seems to be putting on them. All of the things I'm struggling with are not knew for me but for some reason they are different now. It might be the reality that is quickly approaching that a missionary's life holds for me. I'll always be away from home, I'll always be missing from family. I'll always be a foreigner. I'll always be dependent on people for support.
I know that Jesus promised an easy yoke and that his burden is light but these days I question if there is any way that it could be lighter still as I wait for the time that I become accustomed to feel of his yoke.

Yes twice in one month

2008-01-30T14:30:00.000-06:00

I know for those of you who keep track of this site that it is rather uncommon...ok, it has never happened before, i think, but I'm posting for a second time in one month. That being said lets get on with the good stuff.
Last week I was given the privilege of attending Josiah Venture's new missionary training. It was an incredible experience of meeting new faces of people that I hope to call co-worker with soon, hearing about what my life's calling has in store for me, and getting some wicked sweet advice. I forgot to mention but Dave Patty was there. Dave is the founder and president of Josiah Venture, a man who literally writes my text books, and some one that I greatly admire.That night ended with Dave, My roommate, a others and myself standing in a circle and talking about life. I was so blessed. On the way back to school I had time to talk with Krupa about mission's stuff and life in Czech. Krupa is a JV missionary who is a Moody for the year doing his Master's work. He has become a mentor to me over the past months. We got to talk about all those things that you never remember during question and answer times.
Last night I received some great news. I now have two churches that are behind me and supporting me. God is simple amazing. Unfortunately I can only do so much to get ready to leave right now because I'm still waiting on a lot(like all of it actually) of paper work from JV.
As for the rest of life it is going really good. God has given me a few surprises that have really caught me off guard but I'm enjoying it a lot. The semester is full of reading and a few papers and I can't believe that it is already February and next week is the start of Moody's Founder's week. Which is a week long Bible conference. it is fun but very draining as well.
Things to Pray for:
That I would get my info from JV so I can start aggressively raisng support
Pray fro God's provision during the upcoming months for school related items as well as support
Pray for Melissa my co-leader and our team of Americans and Czech(Which I have no info on)
Pray for the churches we will be working with and the one I'm at now.

Thank you all so much for reading this and being a part of my life.

oh my... time flies

2008-01-14T18:57:00.000-06:00

Well hello to every one. After a long hiatus that I like to think of as a hibernation I'm back. Today is the beginning of the end. This marks the first day of my last semester in college. It crazy to think of all that will come to a fulfillment on May 17. Five years of college and a year spent trying to find my place in the world later I'll have my BA and I'll be off to spend the rest of my life acting like I know what it is that I'm doing. Almost a quarter of a lifetime's adventures come to a close and the second big stage of life begins.
The next great adventure that I get to go on is one that I'm unfamiliar with and forces me to revert back to a stage of almost total dependence on others. The Czech awaits, my adventure awaits. Am I ready? This is the big question I find myself struggling with lately. Are we ever ready for the things that await us around the next turn? Beginning a career, getting married, starting a family, the end of one thing and the beginning of another? I feel like that feeling of readiness will be something that continually evades me. I guess that that is the beauty of ministry. There are simply so many curve balls and "x-factors" that I don't ever feel ready but I work for this guy who isn't ever caught be surprises. Since I'm only a steward of my situation I can't go beyond his decisions. I find comfort in this. I don't call the shots, the burden of ultimate responsibility isn't hanging on my shoulders. there is beauty in that.

my second update

2007-07-12T16:09:00.000-05:00

Hello every one.
I want to apologize first for what will probably be poor English. The longer I'm here the more I seem to lose.So much has happened since my last update. I spent for days or so in Austria. I was in a little Alpine village called Hallshtate. It sits by a large lake and is sorounded by Mountains and is home to 3,000 year old salt minds used by the Romans that are still active today. I also spent a week in a lovely little house right on a lake in a touristy town called Telch. Telch is in the Czech. The train trip to and from Austria was a nightmare. Both to and from our 9hr ride turned into 14 plus hours. We had our first week of camp, which was a blast. It was so cool to see God working. I met some great students and had some really neat conversations with them. I also give one of the nightly talks. Its about love and is based off of the women at the well. I also did some heavy recruiting with the American team that we worked with. We had a hike day where I talked to a kid about Moody for 3-4 hrs. It was nice having some crazy Americans and getting to go wild at camp. On the last night we were thanked by the Czech team and as I stood in front of our camp about to say one thing I loved about the camp. 69 peoplestarted cheering my name and going wild. It was so unbeliveable it almost brought me to tears. It was the biggest affirmatiopn I could have had.
As for me personaly I fell in love with a city called Tabor, this is the home of our first camp. As I ponder my possible future here that is diffinatly a place that is a possiblity. I'm experiance a lot of freedom through what God is showing me and I'm pretty sure he wants me here fulltime. The only care I have right is trying to figure out how to get here as soon as and as often as possible. I've talked to some people and I'm going to try to make it here over my winter break to do an mini-camp. One year ago I never would have thought that I would end up here in this situation.
I had a great birthday. I spent the day with my roommate Hawaii after we both braved the Czech train system by ourselves. I also recived some amazing news that one of the students I had in a discussion group during our March camp ended up giving his life to the lord this past week. It is so cool to see God move.
Please continue to pray for me and my team as we have two more camps to go.
Jerry

Well...

2007-06-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

I'm in the Czech. It has been almost three weeks since I arrived here for the summer and already God has taught my so much about himself, cross cultural missions, and my future. The other day I had some awesome time with God. I had a lot of questions and things on my soul about my future and things like that. I sat on a park bench reading Psalm 119 and Peter's encounter with Christ on the beach. As I asked God for answers instead he asked me a simple question. He asked me if I loved him. The same charge that he gave to Peter on the beach. Did I love him enough to follow him no matter where it would lead me and what that would mean?
That has made all the difference. The answer to that questions was so freeing I can't describe it. He didn't give me details but like he so often does he gave me himself which is what I really needed.
Please be praying that I will continue to seek him. Also pray for me team's health and unity. We about 2 weeks before camps start so please pray that as we visit schools and prepare during this time we would be diligent and fruitful. Also pray for our time at camp that God would move. Thanks you so much for partnering along side me in this ministry.
I will try and post some pictures soon.
Chao for now

new stuff

2007-04-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

For all of ya'll that actually read this I decided I'd update a little about what has been going on. This summer I'm going to the Czech and working with Josiah Venture(check it out). For this trip I need a little over $ 4,000 for the trip. I got a call to day and by the end of the weekend I'll have a little over $ 3,000. This is a unexpected blessing that comes at a huge time. I'm entering the last week of school and I'm completely over whelmed with homework and everything else. As far as other matters I've been involved in a few hard talks that last few nights. One because it hit close to home and dealt with some issues of sin in my life. The second was just a really good talk about God, sovereignty and honest questions. As of today I'm tired, stressed, blessed and awe struck. I guess there is not better way to be when God is working in you.

The Czech

2007-03-28T21:52:00.000-05:00

I wanted to update this after my recent trip to the Czech Republic. With out giving a full treatment to the trip simple because I don't have the time our space right now. It was unbelievable. I learned so much from the missionaries I met there and the ministry I got to participate in.
I believe that God is calling me over there and I'm testing things out by attempting to intern there this upcoming summer. Please partner with me in prayer on this matter because it is going to take a lot of God being amazing, like always, to make it happen especially in such a short time.
I hope to post more about my trip soon. God bless.

Psalm 131

2007-03-06T21:38:00.000-06:00

So recently a bomb went off in my life. BY bomb I pretty much me one of those events that makes you want to curl up into a bottle and stay there for a day or two. The kind of things you write country songs about. Except that I didn't. Mainly cause I couldn't. Instead of losing it I decide to change my perspective on it. I decided to put my faith into action and trust God. Which isn't easy and even now as I right this the only thing that is keeping from losing it is that trust.
I've realized that we as people are stupid. When ever something happens we start freaking out as if we know the outcome and of course it is never in our favor. Of course we don't know the outcome of things, heck must of us can't say with certainty what is going to happen in a few hours much less any period of significant time. Which i s the beauty of trusting God because he of course does know with certainty; not that it is easy to stop yourself from running down that path. But that is why our life is littered with testimonies to God. It is so easy to be a pessimist we forget to remember God and his dealings; which by the way is a theme running through out scripture. We ask God and interrogate him and all that time we forget to look to the right and see the altar we built when God delivered us the last time something happened. This is the cry form Psalm 131. I see David with his tear streaked face, a raging turbulent ball of emotion lifting his eyes and saying simple trust God. When nothing makes sense trust God. Remember who he is and who you are. And after that statement David would just sit there empty handed wrapped in the loving embrace of God.
That's my life right now. Learning trust and trying to remember how little I am.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

2007-01-13T02:01:00.000-06:00

Lately a lot of my past has been coming back. Old friends and feelings are finding a way back in to my life and it is kind of nice, but it has left me dwelling on one of my favorite poems "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. It makes me wonder what would my life by like had I walked a different path. If I chose this college over that one. Pursued this girl over the other. Think about the little events in your life that have made a large impact. I think if I would have moved a second earlier I may have never blew out my knee. If I would not have been distracted by this girl I never would have had my heart broken. If I went of to college instead of spending time at home I might never have healed the relationship I have with my parents. If I didn't come to Moody I'd be able to spend more time with the ones I dearly love at home, but I would have never met those that I dearly love here. I wouldn't know the woman, whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wouldn't have began to understand the concept of thinking christianly. I would have never left my bubble I was in. I guess all this has made me appreciate the sovereignty of God even more. He has placed in times and places for a reason, I am who I am because it is who he wants me to be.
So many people think that this poem is about taking the hard road, which it isn't about at all, but instead it is about making decisions. I feel as helpless as Frost does when it comes to looking at my life. How was I to know which path to travel by? So the solace is in the freedom of knowing I can't make the wrong decision. Whatever comes about whatever thing I say no to by going with another is what God intends for me. and that has made all the difference.

The right heart

2006-11-14T23:11:00.000-06:00

I just recently gave a talk on Galatians 6:7-10. This passage speaks of a lesson that I have been learning the hard way over the past year or so. Verse 9 has become a sort of motto for me during the hard times of life. The more I look into it and meditate on it the more deep truths I gleam from it. At face value it is a simple statement. Never tire of doing what is good. This is a mentality that is changing my life. Just spend a day thinking on this and acting it out and you will be exhausted. One of the big things I got out of my recent study on this is that the good doesn't have to be big, in fact the focus I think is on small deeds. Don't get me wrong, giving some one money for groceries or sending a few hundred buck for a mission trip or school bill is a very noble thing along with all the other big ways we try to change the world. But what about something as simple as giving some one a card, or telling some one you are praying for them. Calling up a loved one just tell them you love them. These little things are hard we just don't think to do them; or we don't see how these acts are glorifying to God.

This whole area of doing good has hit me the most in being obedient. It is one thing to allow God control in the realm of things that are large and forcibly out of our control. To trust God to provide a position for me after Moody isn't difficult. It is the things that I feel that I can actually control that are hard. Like the girl I marry. Spending time with him instead of sleeping, or studying. The funding for my missions trip. These are the place where I want to do the things I want not the good (what God wants).

But I've realized that with out the right heart, with out total obedience than the little we do testifies against us. If we know to do the big things we should know to do the small things. If we trust God in the big than we should trust him in the small. I mean what's worse ignorance or disobedience? I guess that is really all I have, just think about it.

Life

2006-11-04T16:34:00.000-06:00

The past few weeks have been kinda hard but I can say with confidence I'm better for them. I have come up with two conclusions during this time

God is amazing, awsome, etc.
Grace is amazing especial when it come to God's dealings with us.

John 13:35

2006-10-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I had this thought in class today and I wanted to share it. Look at what Jesus tells his disciples. All men will know by your LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. Where and when did we lose this. Jesus doesn't say that your cognitive knowledge will be the sign. He doesn't say that our well thought out systematic theology is going to be the sign to unbelievers. He doesn't say that out morally outstanding lives will be the thing that keys people into our identity as Christians.

He says it will be our love. But he doesn't stop there He says it will be our love for one another. How we relate our conduct with and towards one another is the key to expanding the kingdom. If we don't offer a better community than Starbucks why in the heck would people want to come into the church? Heck why are we still in the church for that matter?

good and bad

2006-09-18T10:32:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching a movie titled the United States of Leland. I highly recommend it. It has this great theme running through it about how the bad makes the good better. This quote explains it.

Its all part of the trade off man. I mean, Love is only such a great thing
because you know what it feels like to get your heart broken. What it feels
like to be alone.

I think that there is deep truth in that. For instance the times I've studied Godless religions or cultures it has made me all the more appreciative of the relationship I have with him. Or the time I have with my friends after a long absence always seems better than the times when I'm always with them. It like how reading, or trying to, in the dark makes you all the more appreciative of reading in the light. This has a funny dynamic when it comes to people that don't know God. Being with them makes me all the more awed by God but my heart also breaks because the don't know how much life with him is.

I guess all this is to say that bad things happen so that our weak minds can more fully comprehend and enjoy the good.

My heart breaking realization

2006-09-02T10:14:00.000-05:00

As I was walking to and from class today I had a startling realization. I'm weak. Not I can't lift a frozen turkey weak but My heart is weak. It forget things. I'm talking about my keys, or meal ticket or even my parents birthdays. I forget things of the heart. I have great friends and when I don't get to spend time with them I forget how truly great they are. I don't remember how much fun we have and the side splitting laughter. When I'm not in a close community I forget just how amazing community truly is.
Even with people I love, like my parents and even a girlfriend I realized that I forget these things. I forget how one wink from her can brighten my day. I forget what it is like to hold her hand, to touch here face, to kiss here. I don't remember the sound of her voice, although I know it, I forget her smell. I forget her and how she makes me feel.
All these things were ok until I had my Heart rendering, demolishing realization. I forget Christ. My Savor. My Lord. My One True Love. I forget Christ! I forget his presence, his voice, his love, his teachings. I forget what it is like to be with him and feel completely welcomed and completely unworthy. I forget the knee bending love we find in his presence. I forget the depths of the riches of knowing Him. I forget the power I receive through him. I forget to become like him. I forget just how much I need him. And that tore me apart, and scarred me that I'm so weak that I could forget my Jesus.

Here it goes

2006-08-24T00:49:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I should be sleeping. There is absolutely no reason why I'm up except the fact that thanks to Jamie Miller I'm doing this. I just got done listening to one of Consumed podcasts and was so moved I had to do something, say something. Which brings us back to this. I've been thinking of doing this for a while but had just decided that it wasn't necessary. I'm not going to say anything deep and profound our original. Plus odds are that every thing I say will have been said ten times better than some one else already because I'm not the best with words. So this is all I have. My heart who I am and the thoughts I think. Nothing specially, nothing new or great but simple honesty. Jamie by the way I love and I think you rock. You and every one else at Consumed have made a huge impact on me and I can say that I wish you all were here or I was there cause I can honestly say that you guys help me to be better. I actually miss the community I get when I'm around ya'll.