Thursday, October 23, 2008

rain fall

I used to sit and watch the rain.
It always made me think of her.
We used to love just like the rain.
Sometimes hard and passionate
with nowhere to run or hide
and sometimes we wouldn't love at all
we'd just hold it in and watch the other die.
But we always knew that given time
the drought would pass and rain would fall again.
And we'd end up back in each others arms,
the only place we belonged.
Then one night I sat outside.
I waited for the rain to come.
I waited and waited but she never showed.
After that it rained no more.
Now when it rains I watch it come down.
Silently I sit focusing on the sound,
waiting for love to come back down
as thoughts of rain wash her away.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

hot off the press

Here is a new poem I wrote this morning. No one else even knows it exist right now. I travel a lot by train and most of that time seems to be by myself. Last weekend as I wa son the train the rough ideas of this poem came into my mind.

My time on trains
Some times I sit and try to forget
here I am and that its not home
I try to get lost in the sky
and the colors on the trees
or words on a page
as I let my music cover me
I pretend that I'm not lonely
and that I'm quite by choice
I try to think I'm back home
and the strange names are new places
some immigrant town on my way home
But i always know the truth
the rumbling train is enough to keep me awake
and away from the dream I long to sleep.
This is what I do on a train.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I love my parents.

I've been reading this great book called 20 something essays by 20 something writers. I highly recommended it if you are 20 something or happen to love a 20 something. The book is a collection of 29 essays from 20 somethings each essay deals with life.
This past Friday I was riding on the train heading to one of my weekend visits. I had been reading this book and loving because it had been helping me process a lot of the hardships in my current life. I was nearing the end of the book and I stumbled across an essay that made me but down the book and cry.
The essay is called The Secret Lives of my Parents and is written by Kate McGovern. The essay is about the struggle of growing up and seeing your parents as people not just Dad and Mom.
I started thinking about all my parents have done for me. My parents once were people like me. Young, brash, irrational, full of hopes and dreams as well as piss and vinegar. But when my brother and I came along...all that changed. The older I've gotten the more I've realized their sacrifice but now I'm starting to really understand it especially as my friends are starting their own families.
I feel bad because I don't know my parents. No let me rephrase that. I know my parents. Who I don't know are Dale and Fran or Raye Nell and Donald (My parents are divorced and both remarried for those who didn't know.) I don't know what my Dad wanted to do growing up or what he thought of Europe while he was stationed here. I don't know any stories of Donald's time in Saudi Arabia or why it is he loves my Mom and decided that he would take her two sons along with her. I don't know why my Mom doesn't want to leave Texas. I don't know what she thinks about the church or why she goes. Fran I might know the best as a person but there are still mysteries like Why she never moved back to New England, why live in Minnesota or did she ever want to live in NYC growing up?
I began wondering what it must be like to let me go. When I call to trust their parenting job and treat me like some one competent to make good decisions. When I call not knowing what to do to give me advice instead of telling me what to do or even what they would do.
All that to say I love my parents. This seeing them as new people is something I'm going to enjoy doing.