Saturday, November 29, 2008

A servant at heart?

Over the past few months God has been teaching me many things but they all seem to relate to one theme. That theme is being a servant. If you read my second to last post you can see some of those thoughts and frustrations.
I've realized over these past few months that I hate being a servant. It doesn't come easy to me. Nothing inside of me delights or desires to be a servant, especially as an American. I despise the thought of giving up my freedom to make my own decisions. To give control. The chance to make good or bad decisions, and to own the outcome. To work for myself and reap the reward.
BUT I'm a servant! That means I don't get to make decisions. I don't work for myself. I don't get to keep my wage. And nothing is mine, it all belongs to my master. My goals, my plans, my desires they all belong to him.
I'm tempted to cry the line of the third servant,(previous post)that my master is a hard man and that he has no right. This is a ridiculous charge because the master owns everything. Everything sowed is his to reap. All of my desires, my plans they are given by him and therefore his to fulfill or take. There is a comfort in knowing that He is the one in control. When I look into the future and see nothing I know that its ok he has a plan and I don't need to be overwhelmed.
There is also this cool thought that as a servant all that I am is tied to my master. My identity is wrapped up fully in him. I'm a servant of the Most High God.
Some days my servant hood is easy on my shoulders, after all the yoke of Christ is light, and other days it burdens me. It forces me into submission, God forces me into submission. I'm learning to embrace this servant hood so I can be a good servant.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Let it snow, Let it snow

So here is the thing, in Czech there is no thanksgiving so Christmas comes a little earlier but today we have the snow to match the season. That makes me very excited.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A servants thoughts

I'm very familiar with the parable of the talents. I've taught on it, I've heard it taught on many times...but something had never sat quite right with me. Its the response of the third servant or more accurately the lack of correction from the master to the servant's response. Here is what the servant says.
'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.-Matt 25:24

it is paralleled here in Luke.
Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. 21I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.-Luke 19:20

This is a harsh picture of the Master, especially when the master is the God figure. I understand the fear of the servant but it is how the Master responds. As the figure of the loving God we serve he doesn't correct the servant or remind him that all he does is for the good of the servant. No he agrees with the assessment. In the Luke passage he admits to that being his character and then judges the servant by this assessment.
When I think of the God i serve I don't want this image. I don't want this God who is a "Hard man." I want a God who is loving and caring and wants what is best for me and we allow me to have the things i desire and work for. But this is not the Master from these passages. This master takes what he wishes without caring if he has a right to it. This is a master who cares about results. This is a master I don't want to serve.
This may sound like a bitter post and it is, I admit that. It comes from a place of hurt and bitterness. As much as I want a kind caring master who makes me a high priority that isn't my master. AS much as I want to focus on God loving me and being a member of his family, which I know I am, I'm also a servant who serves a "hard man." Everything in my life is open to his plunder. And he seems to want to take the things I most desperately want to keep. He test my loyalty by taking my mina and asking what am I going to do about it. Will I still serve? Last Saturday God and I had a long fight about this because it is not in my nature to serve. (we will look into that later) The funny thing is that once I submitted, once I responded with loyalty, he returned my mina or should I say the mina he has entrusted to me.
As of late I tend to be relating more to God as the servant and less as the child.
I wish I was the child.

Monday, November 03, 2008

1+1=2 but how?

My friend had a really great idea once. It was about how we classify each other. Before you finish your undergrad program it is all about age and level of school. Post undergrad it is about relational status. ie Single or Married. It seems like post college this is what most defines us, until we become seniors that is, for most of your lives we are defined primarily by if we have a spouse or not. It was a great thought. This is a follow up thought to that.
All my life pursuing a relationship has been very easy. The girl of my affections has always been close. She has been a girl in the neighborhood, or at school. Seeing her and interacting with her was easy. We always had a common bond. Even during the colleges years we'd come home to each other or see each other at school but that is not the case any more. In the new post-college life, where the only common denominator is the fact we want a relationship with the other person, how is it done.
How am I to build a full relationship with a romantic interest. For some this is easy you got the co-worker relationship or you happened to meet someone around town and so you have those things in common. I'm talking about the girl you meet your last semester or while traveling.
There is the long distance thing but that is hard and you can develop habits that are hard to break. It is hard to have a close relationship when you are used to having a distance one. Not to mention the out of sight out of mind struggle. Its also hard to really know how the relationship will really work when you don't get to really have life together.
There is the whole relocating thing but what if that doesn't work. You move to this place to be close to someone only to find it didn't work out and now you are stuck there.
Seriously how do you do this?