Recently I was examining my life and faith...which tends to happen at least ever couple months it seems this past year and a half. As I faced yet another big decision and life change I noticed something in my thinking. I looked as saw how easy it was for me to lean upon my faith like a superstition.
All my actions toward God became this scripted event that I had relieved many times before. My admission of short coming and dealing with guilt of sin. Followed by my panic stricken pleading for some wisdom and guidance as if I God would speak in some supernatural way if only I could convey to him my great need. Then I wait. I wait for some sign a song on the radio, my Bible to open to some special verse, a stranger on the street or some mystical feeling of peace and fulfillment. Its funny how when I am longing for a sign I forget that God gave me intelligence and a free will. I become so involved in not missing the supernatural sign I'm waiting for that I begin to make everything into the sign I'm looking for and I begin to interpret these signs into saying what I want them to say.
That isn't how it works is it though, God doesn't open the heavens and write on the wall. I'm pretty sure if he did I'd be more freaked to see a hand writing on the wall then to catch the message. No Instead God created us in his image. He gave us the ability to make decisions and a free will to enact them. He tells us to trust in him and his sovereignty. He constantly is reminding his people that He is not a God that is constrained by people groups, state lines and legal jurisdiction. He promises to be with us then tells us to move.
This time I made me decision I didn't barter with God. I didn't lay out a fleece. I simply trusted. I trusted that he wouldn't allow the wrong decision to be made. I trusted that he would be with us. I trusted that he wanted what was best for Melissa and myself. I trust that dealing with the consequences will help shape us into better reflections of Christ.
To be honest there is no peace in the solution. My gut it still in knots, my brain still mulling over pros and cons. My superstitious nature still wants to test and challenge and barter. Instead I choose trust knowing more deeply the God I love.