Back again

Here I sit in the restaurant of the hotel that I have spent many a meal in over the last few years. Its funny to be back here in Czech after just spending a few months back in the States. Heraclitus said "You can never step into the same river; for new waters are always flowing on to you."
Every time I come here it is different. There is a new challenge or new thought that God is showing me. The first time I was struggling with a bad break up. The second time I was dealing with the idea of being a missionary and following God. Trip number three I was learning how to let go and trust God for a home, for family, for friends. This time...I'm not sure but I can tell you that I'm dealing with questions of timing and whats next and think legitimately for the first time about serving in another country outside of Czech.
I'm living in the tension of not knowing the future but trusting a God who has a plan.
Pray that I pursue God and that in that pursuit it flows down into my team then into or camp teams then into our students.

I'm living and dying with the choices I've made.

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This is my favorite poem. I revisit over and over each time taking something new from it. The very first time I read it I'll admit to making a common mistake and seeing it as inspiration to take the less traveled road. When I was fresh out of High School I read it and realized Frost was saying that it doesn't really matter what road you take its all in the journey because there is always the question of where the other road would lead. And now I read it and see something completely different.
I see choice. this is one of the most amazing things about America, about freedom in general, Choice. Whether it is McDonald's or Bugger King, Organic or Processed, Name brand or Generic we are bombarded with choices. Some good, some bad; some easy, some hard but we all must make them. I've come to realize that I'm not good at this. I want too much and when I make a decision I regret it...sometimes. Other times I'm ok until something new and better comes along. Usually this doesn't matter for instance what does it matter if I choose Cocoa Pebbles over Fruity Pebbles for breakfast(That's right I'm all about the good things)or what kind of creamer I get for my coffee. The answer Nothing, shocking I know. Yet sometimes especially in the gloriously transitional part of my life I find myself having to make huge choices. To mission or to youth pastor, which churches, which areas, do I give the homeless man money or turn my head, do I give my tithe or hoard my money or spend it on stupid things, if i donate it where to what cause?
I'm starting to understand that sometimes the choices we make reflect the person we are, choice is ultimately about freedom and freedom is ultimately about character. So what do my choices say about me?