Saturday, May 01, 2010

a lonely place I stand

I sometimes wonder about Christianity. I look at my life and wonder how it has changed me. I look at my day to day existence and wonder how it impacts my day. On the days I'm really introspective, or just have too much time on my hands, I compare different religious philosophies. The thing that I keep coming back to is forgiveness. I'm constantly in grateful awe of it, I find no other way to express myself toward the promise and fulfillment of the forgiveness of God. But that isn't what I'm writing this about. This isn't about the need for forgiveness or the joy that it brings. This is about the command to do like wise.
As I strive toward this model, giving this depth of forgiveness, I find myself...alone. I don't mean alone as in there is no other person on this road or as good at doing this as I am. I find myself in a strange empty place because it is counter-cultural to everything I want to do. Yet my heart is compelled from a deep conviction that this is the only way. I'm convinced that one of the most suicidal things you can do is live a life of forgiveness.
I've watched many people dear to my heart struggle with forgiveness with out knowing it because they don't get it...or maybe the do and just can't bring themselves to that point.
I've been learning that to truly forgive, like the God model, angers people, it frustrates and bewilders people. Its hard and its painful. If you don't carry the conviction of pursuing the model of God than it makes absolutely no sense.
It is a lonely place to let the pain you feel pass with out making a note. It is a lonely place to not seek retribution for a wrong. It is a lonely place to maintain a relationship instead of cutting your losses.
It is a lonely place but "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." "Forgive as the Lord forgave you. "

It would be so much easier if Forgivness didn't come with a cross...I think that's the point.