I love my parents.

I've been reading this great book called 20 something essays by 20 something writers. I highly recommended it if you are 20 something or happen to love a 20 something. The book is a collection of 29 essays from 20 somethings each essay deals with life.
This past Friday I was riding on the train heading to one of my weekend visits. I had been reading this book and loving because it had been helping me process a lot of the hardships in my current life. I was nearing the end of the book and I stumbled across an essay that made me but down the book and cry.
The essay is called The Secret Lives of my Parents and is written by Kate McGovern. The essay is about the struggle of growing up and seeing your parents as people not just Dad and Mom.
I started thinking about all my parents have done for me. My parents once were people like me. Young, brash, irrational, full of hopes and dreams as well as piss and vinegar. But when my brother and I came along...all that changed. The older I've gotten the more I've realized their sacrifice but now I'm starting to really understand it especially as my friends are starting their own families.
I feel bad because I don't know my parents. No let me rephrase that. I know my parents. Who I don't know are Dale and Fran or Raye Nell and Donald (My parents are divorced and both remarried for those who didn't know.) I don't know what my Dad wanted to do growing up or what he thought of Europe while he was stationed here. I don't know any stories of Donald's time in Saudi Arabia or why it is he loves my Mom and decided that he would take her two sons along with her. I don't know why my Mom doesn't want to leave Texas. I don't know what she thinks about the church or why she goes. Fran I might know the best as a person but there are still mysteries like Why she never moved back to New England, why live in Minnesota or did she ever want to live in NYC growing up?
I began wondering what it must be like to let me go. When I call to trust their parenting job and treat me like some one competent to make good decisions. When I call not knowing what to do to give me advice instead of telling me what to do or even what they would do.
All that to say I love my parents. This seeing them as new people is something I'm going to enjoy doing.

The second of my freedom poems

Freedom Lies

Freedom lies on her bed at night
and cries herself to sleep
she wonders when it changed
that instead of men protecting her name
all they do is rape and shame
she cries for a man of old
that would take a stand and not withhold
an ounce of strength to hold her up
yet all her princes become thieves
who cloth their agenda in her majesty
only to swap her out for a mirror of lust
and fall in love with their power
as their world turns to dust
and freedom lies on her bed at night
and cries for those who believe the lies

read and enjoy

I've decided to begin posting my poetry on my blog so I can share it with more people. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it.
This summer I found myself thinking about freedom. I ended up writing to poems about it, here is the first.

Freedom Cries
Martin Luther King once had a dream
he wanted to see freedom ring
from shining sea to sea
but what does freedom mean?
For King it means opportunity
regardless of race or creed or poverty
but could a man have these
and still be bound to slavery?
What if freedom means
something beyond all these things?
What if freedom was itself a creed?
Would this freedom creed mirror
the life we find in Christianity?
That's what Jesus sought to bring.
But I think behind church doors
lay something he'd abhor.
A congregation of freed slaves
with no chains on their feet
and yet too scared to leave.
Yet, we wonder why no one believes
while the messenger won't leave his seat.

Sour Patch Kids and Ski slopes

It has been about one month since the summer has started. June is a crazy month for us. It starts with a race across Czech. The purpose of this is for the team to be built together through shared experience. We tried really hard to win the race…well until we missed our first train by a matter of seconds. After that we pretty much just relaxed through out the race. Until we found out that four of the five of us had crazy allergies which hit us half way through the race while we were sitting on a train.
After that we spend an intense week in training which is great. This year we had around 10 team and 3-4 countries represented. Training is such a sweet time that we get to connect with other missionaries and interns.
After training we go on a whirlwind tour of group visits. We have three weekends to visit three group and plan three weeks of camp. Not to mention building the team, planning lessons and other camp prep work which we do during the two weeks between visits.
Right now we are sitting at the first round of US team trainings camp start this Friday and there is a lot of work to do. From this point on life is like one giant series of cause and effect relationships.
The following are a just a snippet of the past weekend visits.
The first visit was in Pardubice. It is a city outside of Prague. Please pray for this group and for the chance for them to connect with new students. They are an older group that has done camps for a long time. Their struggle is remembering the heart of camp and God’s heart for the lost.
The second visit was at Bohumin. Bohumin was the first group that I interacted with in Czech 1.5 yrs ago during spring break. I’m so excited to be doing camp with them and renewing some older relationships. Pray that God moves mightily in this camp. It seems that he is doing a lot and a breaking point might come at camp. This is a great group.
The third visit was in Valašske Meziříčí. Yes that is a whole lot of Czechness.It is a hard name to say and when ever I see it my tongue cries. I love this group. They are restarting camps after taking the past 2 yrs off. Pray for the leadership that they would grow in confidence. Pray for students we have 9 campers signed up now, we want 25. Pray that we would get a lot of campers signed up from the city itself.

Czech...again

So I'm back in Czech. I love it here. As soon as I say the Prague and I felt the wheels of the plane touch down I felt something change. The large chunk of my heart that I had left here returned to me. A part of my soul came back to life. The piece of myself that I had been missing for a year was returned and I feel whole again.
This past year was a huge struggle for me.I had never waged such an intense battle for the desires of my heart before. I had never struggled with doubt like I had during the past school year but now...I remember what God had told me. All the questions I had about coming to Czech were wiped away.As I waited to get off the plane I thought to myself I have no reason to be in Czech. My whole story and involvement with this place and these people start with God. I have no reason to be here except for His call.I think that might be one of the coolest things ever.
One of my supervisors were talking about how everything for this summer seemed to fall apart except for us, the extended summer Interns. Its weird to think of myself as an answer to prayer but that is exactly what I am, or so I'm told.

the yoke

Lately I've been feeling like I'm carrying a burden that is more than I want to bear. It isn't that the yoke is to heavy or that it doesn't fit right...it is just that I'm unaccustomed to wearing it. My shoulders aren't used to the mantel that is placed on them. My muscles aren't familiar with the constant pressure that life seems to be putting on them. All of the things I'm struggling with are not knew for me but for some reason they are different now. It might be the reality that is quickly approaching that a missionary's life holds for me. I'll always be away from home, I'll always be missing from family. I'll always be a foreigner. I'll always be dependent on people for support.
I know that Jesus promised an easy yoke and that his burden is light but these days I question if there is any way that it could be lighter still as I wait for the time that I become accustomed to feel of his yoke.

Yes twice in one month

I know for those of you who keep track of this site that it is rather uncommon...ok, it has never happened before, i think, but I'm posting for a second time in one month. That being said lets get on with the good stuff.
Last week I was given the privilege of attending Josiah Venture's new missionary training. It was an incredible experience of meeting new faces of people that I hope to call co-worker with soon, hearing about what my life's calling has in store for me, and getting some wicked sweet advice. I forgot to mention but Dave Patty was there. Dave is the founder and president of Josiah Venture, a man who literally writes my text books, and some one that I greatly admire.That night ended with Dave, My roommate, a others and myself standing in a circle and talking about life. I was so blessed. On the way back to school I had time to talk with Krupa about mission's stuff and life in Czech. Krupa is a JV missionary who is a Moody for the year doing his Master's work. He has become a mentor to me over the past months. We got to talk about all those things that you never remember during question and answer times.
Last night I received some great news. I now have two churches that are behind me and supporting me. God is simple amazing. Unfortunately I can only do so much to get ready to leave right now because I'm still waiting on a lot(like all of it actually) of paper work from JV.
As for the rest of life it is going really good. God has given me a few surprises that have really caught me off guard but I'm enjoying it a lot. The semester is full of reading and a few papers and I can't believe that it is already February and next week is the start of Moody's Founder's week. Which is a week long Bible conference. it is fun but very draining as well.
Things to Pray for:
That I would get my info from JV so I can start aggressively raisng support
Pray fro God's provision during the upcoming months for school related items as well as support
Pray for Melissa my co-leader and our team of Americans and Czech(Which I have no info on)
Pray for the churches we will be working with and the one I'm at now.

Thank you all so much for reading this and being a part of my life.