The god of Peace aka Si vis pacem, para bellum

This summer I realized something. People want peace. This summer we talked about kings and expectations. One of the questions we asked was "If your country was being invaded by another nation what action would you want your king to take?" The over whelming response was some from of "peaceful" diplomacy ie non-violence. This...just didn't sit well inside me. I mean I'm all for diplomacy and peace but I'm also for protection and being defended, not that those things are opposite but some times it sure feels that way.
There is an old adage in Latin "Si vis pacem, para bellum" which means if want peace prepare for war. In our modern world it seems like we have removed all room for action for violence. These thoughts arose out of Eastern Europe a place with a history riddled with violence and protest, the resistance under the Nazis, the velvet revolution, secret police and public beatings. A place where no one wants to stand up. But it isn't just this place. Look at the Middle East, a bomb goes of on a public bus or rockets are shot into civilian housing and a government reacts with a swift counter strike and they're the bad guys because the terrorist hide in the midst of civilians.
We made this ideal that good man can't at times be a violent man or take a violent action. A good leader can't declare war, by today's standards, but if you look at History's greatest leaders Lincoln, Churchill, Alexander, Ceaser they were great because of how they handled war. Lincoln knew that sometimes you have destroy before you can rebuild. It seems like sometimes as Christians we are ashamed or embarrassed about God and the violent actions he takes. Think about how the Bible describes Jesus and how he returns and wins the final battle.Go ahead read Revelation and tell me Jesus is some non-violent hippie.
I'm glad that we have the God of peace and not the god of Peace. A king who wars over us and protects us. A God that isn't afraid to get his hands dirty for the ones he loves. And I'm not going to apologize for him.

the sound of silence

One of the things I've noticed about life in America is that it is loud. There is always something going into the ears. Even during our "quite times" we listen to music or pray out loud lest we be distracted by the new sounds of a quite room. Being here in Czech is different people are just quite; it reminds me of the time I spent on the Reservations in South Dakota. The don't feel the need to fill the silence with useless words or questions that they, that we, don't ultimately care about.
I've had many discussions about this with Americans. Especial as it relates to discussion groups. For us Americans there is this uneasiness with silence. Sometimes I swear it causes physical pain to some people. But if we can sit in that silence I tend to find there is a beauty. the words you share seem so much more than sounds.
Last night I was sitting with my friend under the stars. We sat in silence looking at the sky, the stars, the milky way. It was beautiful and many times I felt the silence and just as many times i thought what can i say to him that he himself doesn't already see and what would I say about the stars that would them justice... so we sat there and it was...

I used to...

Some where along my life the past few years it seems I've lost all the answers. I'm sitting listening to some friends talk about all the loftier things in life. I used to think I had those things figured out. I used to think I knew what I was gonna do (change the world) and how I was gonna do it (insert well thought out plan), now I'm lost. Well lost seems harsh maybe more like waiting. Waiting and watching. Watching other blind people who have no more vision than I grope around in the dark thinking they can see.
I'm not sure whats worse the honesty of not having the answers, or the cynicism of laughing at those that don't know they are at the bottom too.

Back again

Here I sit in the restaurant of the hotel that I have spent many a meal in over the last few years. Its funny to be back here in Czech after just spending a few months back in the States. Heraclitus said "You can never step into the same river; for new waters are always flowing on to you."
Every time I come here it is different. There is a new challenge or new thought that God is showing me. The first time I was struggling with a bad break up. The second time I was dealing with the idea of being a missionary and following God. Trip number three I was learning how to let go and trust God for a home, for family, for friends. This time...I'm not sure but I can tell you that I'm dealing with questions of timing and whats next and think legitimately for the first time about serving in another country outside of Czech.
I'm living in the tension of not knowing the future but trusting a God who has a plan.
Pray that I pursue God and that in that pursuit it flows down into my team then into or camp teams then into our students.

I'm living and dying with the choices I've made.

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

This is my favorite poem. I revisit over and over each time taking something new from it. The very first time I read it I'll admit to making a common mistake and seeing it as inspiration to take the less traveled road. When I was fresh out of High School I read it and realized Frost was saying that it doesn't really matter what road you take its all in the journey because there is always the question of where the other road would lead. And now I read it and see something completely different.
I see choice. this is one of the most amazing things about America, about freedom in general, Choice. Whether it is McDonald's or Bugger King, Organic or Processed, Name brand or Generic we are bombarded with choices. Some good, some bad; some easy, some hard but we all must make them. I've come to realize that I'm not good at this. I want too much and when I make a decision I regret it...sometimes. Other times I'm ok until something new and better comes along. Usually this doesn't matter for instance what does it matter if I choose Cocoa Pebbles over Fruity Pebbles for breakfast(That's right I'm all about the good things)or what kind of creamer I get for my coffee. The answer Nothing, shocking I know. Yet sometimes especially in the gloriously transitional part of my life I find myself having to make huge choices. To mission or to youth pastor, which churches, which areas, do I give the homeless man money or turn my head, do I give my tithe or hoard my money or spend it on stupid things, if i donate it where to what cause?
I'm starting to understand that sometimes the choices we make reflect the person we are, choice is ultimately about freedom and freedom is ultimately about character. So what do my choices say about me?

the haze of inactivity

I've been meaning to write. No, really I have. Everyday I come here looking for a new post only to see that the guy who is supposed to be posting here isn't doing his job. What a jerk! oh wait...this is my blog...dang it. That explains so much. Well I best get writing. Now where to start....if I could only organize the storm of thoughts in my head. That's what happens to me. That's why I haven't written in so long. There isn't a lot going on. There are definitely things of note I'd be happy to share but all my good thoughts seem to be covered with this haze. I can see them I know where they are and that they're there but I can't focus in on them. I think when you are inactive its the discipline in the simple things that you miss the most.

So its offical

This morning I received a phone call from Europe, more specifically Cesky Tesin, Czech Republic. The phone call was of absolute incoherent quality, I understood just a few sentences. What I did understand was that after a little deliberation and a apparently an arm wrestling match I have been officially accepted as a missionary with Josiah Venture. Now I begin the long process of raising support and all the other joys that comes with that. Now if I only knew where to begin...