Psalm 131

So recently a bomb went off in my life. BY bomb I pretty much me one of those events that makes you want to curl up into a bottle and stay there for a day or two. The kind of things you write country songs about. Except that I didn't. Mainly cause I couldn't. Instead of losing it I decide to change my perspective on it. I decided to put my faith into action and trust God. Which isn't easy and even now as I right this the only thing that is keeping from losing it is that trust.
I've realized that we as people are stupid. When ever something happens we start freaking out as if we know the outcome and of course it is never in our favor. Of course we don't know the outcome of things, heck must of us can't say with certainty what is going to happen in a few hours much less any period of significant time. Which i s the beauty of trusting God because he of course does know with certainty; not that it is easy to stop yourself from running down that path. But that is why our life is littered with testimonies to God. It is so easy to be a pessimist we forget to remember God and his dealings; which by the way is a theme running through out scripture. We ask God and interrogate him and all that time we forget to look to the right and see the altar we built when God delivered us the last time something happened. This is the cry form Psalm 131. I see David with his tear streaked face, a raging turbulent ball of emotion lifting his eyes and saying simple trust God. When nothing makes sense trust God. Remember who he is and who you are. And after that statement David would just sit there empty handed wrapped in the loving embrace of God.
That's my life right now. Learning trust and trying to remember how little I am.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

Lately a lot of my past has been coming back. Old friends and feelings are finding a way back in to my life and it is kind of nice, but it has left me dwelling on one of my favorite poems "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. It makes me wonder what would my life by like had I walked a different path. If I chose this college over that one. Pursued this girl over the other. Think about the little events in your life that have made a large impact. I think if I would have moved a second earlier I may have never blew out my knee. If I would not have been distracted by this girl I never would have had my heart broken. If I went of to college instead of spending time at home I might never have healed the relationship I have with my parents. If I didn't come to Moody I'd be able to spend more time with the ones I dearly love at home, but I would have never met those that I dearly love here. I wouldn't know the woman, whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wouldn't have began to understand the concept of thinking christianly. I would have never left my bubble I was in. I guess all this has made me appreciate the sovereignty of God even more. He has placed in times and places for a reason, I am who I am because it is who he wants me to be.
So many people think that this poem is about taking the hard road, which it isn't about at all, but instead it is about making decisions. I feel as helpless as Frost does when it comes to looking at my life. How was I to know which path to travel by? So the solace is in the freedom of knowing I can't make the wrong decision. Whatever comes about whatever thing I say no to by going with another is what God intends for me. and that has made all the difference.

The right heart

I just recently gave a talk on Galatians 6:7-10. This passage speaks of a lesson that I have been learning the hard way over the past year or so. Verse 9 has become a sort of motto for me during the hard times of life. The more I look into it and meditate on it the more deep truths I gleam from it. At face value it is a simple statement. Never tire of doing what is good. This is a mentality that is changing my life. Just spend a day thinking on this and acting it out and you will be exhausted. One of the big things I got out of my recent study on this is that the good doesn't have to be big, in fact the focus I think is on small deeds. Don't get me wrong, giving some one money for groceries or sending a few hundred buck for a mission trip or school bill is a very noble thing along with all the other big ways we try to change the world. But what about something as simple as giving some one a card, or telling some one you are praying for them. Calling up a loved one just tell them you love them. These little things are hard we just don't think to do them; or we don't see how these acts are glorifying to God.

This whole area of doing good has hit me the most in being obedient. It is one thing to allow God control in the realm of things that are large and forcibly out of our control. To trust God to provide a position for me after Moody isn't difficult. It is the things that I feel that I can actually control that are hard. Like the girl I marry. Spending time with him instead of sleeping, or studying. The funding for my missions trip. These are the place where I want to do the things I want not the good (what God wants).

But I've realized that with out the right heart, with out total obedience than the little we do testifies against us. If we know to do the big things we should know to do the small things. If we trust God in the big than we should trust him in the small. I mean what's worse ignorance or disobedience? I guess that is really all I have, just think about it.

Life

The past few weeks have been kinda hard but I can say with confidence I'm better for them. I have come up with two conclusions during this time

1. God is amazing, awsome, etc.
2. Grace is amazing especial when it come to God's dealings with us.

John 13:35

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I had this thought in class today and I wanted to share it. Look at what Jesus tells his disciples. All men will know by your LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. Where and when did we lose this. Jesus doesn't say that your cognitive knowledge will be the sign. He doesn't say that our well thought out systematic theology is going to be the sign to unbelievers. He doesn't say that out morally outstanding lives will be the thing that keys people into our identity as Christians.

He says it will be our love. But he doesn't stop there He says it will be our love for one another. How we relate our conduct with and towards one another is the key to expanding the kingdom. If we don't offer a better community than Starbucks why in the heck would people want to come into the church? Heck why are we still in the church for that matter?

good and bad

I just finished watching a movie titled the United States of Leland. I highly recommend it. It has this great theme running through it about how the bad makes the good better. This quote explains it.

Its all part of the trade off man. I mean, Love is only such a great thing
because you know what it feels like to get your heart broken. What it feels
like to be alone.

I think that there is deep truth in that. For instance the times I've studied Godless religions or cultures it has made me all the more appreciative of the relationship I have with him. Or the time I have with my friends after a long absence always seems better than the times when I'm always with them. It like how reading, or trying to, in the dark makes you all the more appreciative of reading in the light. This has a funny dynamic when it comes to people that don't know God. Being with them makes me all the more awed by God but my heart also breaks because the don't know how much life with him is.

I guess all this is to say that bad things happen so that our weak minds can more fully comprehend and enjoy the good.

My heart breaking realization

As I was walking to and from class today I had a startling realization. I'm weak. Not I can't lift a frozen turkey weak but My heart is weak. It forget things. I'm talking about my keys, or meal ticket or even my parents birthdays. I forget things of the heart. I have great friends and when I don't get to spend time with them I forget how truly great they are. I don't remember how much fun we have and the side splitting laughter. When I'm not in a close community I forget just how amazing community truly is.
Even with people I love, like my parents and even a girlfriend I realized that I forget these things. I forget how one wink from her can brighten my day. I forget what it is like to hold her hand, to touch here face, to kiss here. I don't remember the sound of her voice, although I know it, I forget her smell. I forget her and how she makes me feel.
All these things were ok until I had my Heart rendering, demolishing realization. I forget Christ. My Savor. My Lord. My One True Love. I forget Christ! I forget his presence, his voice, his love, his teachings. I forget what it is like to be with him and feel completely welcomed and completely unworthy. I forget the knee bending love we find in his presence. I forget the depths of the riches of knowing Him. I forget the power I receive through him. I forget to become like him. I forget just how much I need him. And that tore me apart, and scarred me that I'm so weak that I could forget my Jesus.